4.6.15

"One day I hope that it will be just one of those things that made me who I am."

These words.... came out of MY mouth. Astounding, right? I'm a little proud of myself for this one, too. But honestly, the words just kinda blurted out. I was having a life chat with someone whom I trust immensely. I let him in on a secret. He responded? with love. I was expecting awkward, nervous, overbearing, insensitive, I-know-what's-best-for-you kind of reaction. Instead, I got love.

I wear self-inflicted scars, and sometimes I let them win. I act like that's who I am, and that's the end of it. I see no worth or value because I see that as who I am. I have to fight the lies. If I don't fight the lies with truth, I am dragged off a slave to my own mind. I am worn down, beaten, bruised, and scarred by the toil of those inaccurate thoughts. So, my options are to submit or to fight. I choose to fight. I have a support system of cool, caring people. Some are close and some are far, but they would never let me get 33 phone calls in. They are going to push me to keep going, when the fight gets long and I get weary. When I feel like giving in, they will be there.

How do I fight? Fight the lies with truth.

What's the truth? 1 John 3:1, "See what kind of love that Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are." Jesus reaches out to me with my nail-scarred hand, and He covers my scarred wrist. He covers it and makes me new. He whispers, "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!" (2 Corinthians 5:17). I am loved and I am new. 

I am more than what I have done to myself. I am more than the mistakes I have made. I am more than the times I made the choice to turn to an earthly vice rather than my all-powerful Creator. I am more than the grossness I feel about myself. I am more than all of the issues that stemmed from this destructive choice. I am loved and I am new. I am striving to hold this perspective daily. The weight of shame crushes quickly, but I am on my way to saying with full veracity, "It's just one of those things that made me who I am."