2 pennies

Friends, this post has been brewing for a while. Read up!

Mark 12:41-44The Widow’s Offering

41 Jesus sat down opposite the place where the offerings were put and watched the crowd putting their money into the temple treasury. Many rich people threw in large amounts. 42 But a poor widow came and put in two very small copper coins, worth only a few cents.

43 Calling his disciples to him, Jesus said, “Truly I tell you, this poor widow has put more into the treasury than all the others. 44 They all gave out of their wealth; but she, out of her poverty, put in everything—all she had to live on.”

This is my almost favorite Bible story. Second only to Joseph and the Coat of Many Colors. I don't know, they just are. Besides Jesus dying on the cross, of course! Who do you think I am? :)

The story - so short, so sweet. The time came to give an offering. Now, I don't know about you, but when that offering plate comes around and I have nothing to put in it, you do the whole "look away" social cue, so that maybe no one besides the deacon will scorn you for not giving to the Lord. My family has been hit with some hard financial situations. It's easy to look the other way. God would want me to use the money I have for food and necessities, right??? Well, yes. But the principle is bigger. I am putting my trust in that money and not in God. He promises that when we give to Him with complete trust, He will provide for our needs. He won't leave or abandon us. He will honor an honest offering. Of that, I can be sure. (Psalm 84:3)

In the story, the rich people were throwing in impressive amounts of money, but Jesus favored TWO CENTS over their lavish offerings. Want to know why? Because Jesus is concerned with the heart. (1 Samuel 16:7) Those rich people were giving their leftovers. Well, sure! Anyone can do that. It's painless. It's easy. Crowds were impressed with those hefty offerings. Jesus was impressed with the woman's two cents. Because to her, those two cents were all she had. She put her complete trust in Jesus. She said, "Lord I surrender. All I am is Yours. I am all in. I trust for your good and perfect will for my life. I trust that you love me enough to forgive me, save me, and continue to care for me. I know that everything I have is a gift. I give it up to you. I want to rely on none other than You, oh Lord. I love you" when she dropped those two coins in the offering basket. What a powerful statement.

Jesus told his disciples, "Truly I tell you, this poor widow has put more into the treasury than all the others." How ironic! Like, Jesus, are you that bad at math? NO! He understood the gift. There is a difference between mindless, painless giving and giving that requires trust. 

My prayer today - for you and for me - is that we would have faith like the poor woman. We are essentially in poverty because of our sin. There was no way we could ever pay back reconciliation for our sins. But Jesus did. He's the connecting piece. He brings us from a place of poverty to a realm of royalty. All because He loves us. "It is his kindness that leads us to repentance." Friends, go to Jesus with your two coins today. Knowing that He loves you, surrender all you have. Submit to him your dreams, your plans, your future, your past, your pain, your joy, your heartache, and your happy. He looks at the heart. 

"Out of her poverty, put in everything—all she had to live on.”

life goals

"A culture of honesty requires a culture of grace. Honesty only happens when you have the reckless hope of an unconditional love, when you know the raw truth about yourself will not be met with cringing, but embrace. It’s how we quit hiding. It’s messy, scary, sloppy, and hard: but it is real, and it’s probably the church that Jesus had in mind."

I think this nice little (big) quote sums up the hope of my blog quite fancily. I strive to be honest, because I believe in grace. For me, for you. And it was not until I believed that I was fully loved NO MATTER WHAT that I was able to let my guards down and let people in on the struggle. I didn't want the real Terrin to be shunned, when the world saw I didn't have it as "together" as they thought I did. I was scared of rejection. But I was met with a loving embrace. So, I no longer have to cower behind long sleeves of shame. I can share the deepest sorrow, the deepest fear, the deepest insecurity, the deepest regret.... and know that I am loved. For real. This lifestyle is harder. It's vulnerable. There is a chance that your heart will be smashed to pieces. But oh, it's worth it. No longer do I hold myself back from the possibilities of deep affection. I give and receive love. Freely, freely. 

I am the church. You are the church. We are the church. 

Let's love today. 

4.23.15

Today, I sit here so thankful. I am not lost, for I am a child of God with a definite purpose for my life. Last night, I had the opportunity to serve at a local food ministry in northern Minneapolis. Families came in for a free meal from the church and then many more families come for the free groceries. Basically, they had to take a raffle number, and one by one, they would be allowed in the food room to "shop" for the things they needed for their family. All the while, I was visiting with parents and children. We brought about ten volunteers, and so half served food and others brought TeacherEd to this place! We crafted up a storm!

We made these cute little birds :) We had run out of supplies by the end of the night! And trust me, we definitely prepared extra. We got out the coloring sheets, and those were gone, too! The kids were all over it! Glue, tissue paper, "ojos locos", ribbon, and pipe cleaners!!! I mean I had ninth graders at the table. It was quite a success :) But not because we went home exhausted and out of supplies. Here is why:

The night was a success because I was reaffirmed in my calling for life. God spoke to me through those little children yesterday. Three hugs, a wet sneeze on the hand, one "will you come home with me?" and endless "will you be our teacher when you grow up???" and I was overwhelmed with the impact I made on those kids within the span of a few short hours. As much as I like to think that I might have made their day a little brighter, they fueled me right up just as much! 

As we folded and glued and cut and taped, I got to know a little about the kids. I took it all in. I learned their names. I saw their dirty clothes and unclean hair. I saw their eyes get big when they saw scissors and crayons and tissue paper, and googly eyes. One girl asked me, "Can I take these crayons home? I don't have any crayons at home." Knowing that I probably had 3 packs of crayons at home when I was growing up, and probably wanted another pack because the red was dull.... my heart breaks. I am so glad that I could bring a little fun and a little life to this ministry. It was so many of my favorite things: arts & crafts, Jesus, kids, teaching, and just talking. While I visited with the kids, I could see how they interacted with each other. I could see how the children would translate for their parents. I could see how hunger affected their temperament, and I could sense that they were not used to so many supplies at their fingertips. It opened my eyes. These are students that I will be teaching. Potentially, I really would be teaching these specific children! But more likely, I will see students who remind me of those little adventurers. Can I do it? Will I be able to connect with them? Will I be able to make a difference? How do I do that???

Well, I also got to sit and talk with an auntie and a grandma (from two different families). Aunti said times are tough and they need to take all the help they can get. She was in a great mood, as many stoic faces walked in for food and out with bags in their hands. This particular woman remained cheerful and we talked about how I was going to be a teacher. She said don't go past third grade, because then they get sassy. Ha! Grandma was also someone I got to visit with. Grandma heard me call her grandchild, "Andrea" which was the child's name. But she was astounded that I said it "right". She proceeded to explain that "people like you" usually call her ANDrea. Not Andrea. "Dre Dre" for short. People like you always be sayin' it so proper. It's ANDrea. ANDrea. I said what cause I'm white?! My dad's half black! You wouldn't be able to tell, but that means I have it in my blood. Walls broken. She was not afraid to talk to me. She was open and honest and I was able to connect with someone who doesn't live like me. 

I can't help but think of Galatians 5:13. It says, 

"You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love."

I am a child of God - forgiven and free. I don't want to use that grace as an excuse to sin and sin and sin and sin because "it's covered" NO! I want to serve my fellow brothers and sisters in love. Last night was affirming to my calling. It is through teaching and serving and listening and just plain loving that I am led to show the light of Christ. There were some dark situations that I saw yesterday, but God is light in the darkness. I hope while the parents were able to receive the gift of food to help with their basic needs, I was able to be a beacon of hope. "People like me" are actually just like you. I want to live to break down these barriers. I am struggle. I am weak. I am not "all together" but I am redeemed by the blood of my Savior. That is my hope. And I hope that I was able to radiate His love yesterday. Filling myself with Him, I can't help but overflow and smile and serve my neighbors. 

If that's a taste of future Terrin, I think I'm gonna really like her. Why? Not because she has a perfect life, but that she's living through the imperfections, pointing to Christ, and just loving others. It feels good to know that I am equipped with gifts to reach the lost and hurting. I was once the lost and hurting, and God sought ME to reach people just like Auntie, Grandma, and all the children. ME?! Me. I'm nothing special, let me tell ya. But what I can do is love people well. And that's exactly what I'm going to do - wherever I find myself in life. 

to keep writing...

“A little talent is a good thing to have if you want to be a writer. But the only real requirement is the ability to remember every scar.”

—	Stephen King

me

“A serious girl, when she finds someone who calms her spirit and quiets her busy thoughts, will love you so fiercely, it will defy even her own logic and reasoning.”

coming to realize

“I’ve found that growing up means being honest. About what I want. What I need. What I feel. Who I am.”

Criminal Minds teaches me things.

"There are things we don't want to happen, but have to accept. Things we don't want to know, but have to learn. And people we can't live without, but have to let go."

How painfully true this is.

This quote just continually leaves me "wordless" which is actually a fairly hard task, because I LOVE to write (I mean, I have a blog. Duh.)

There are certainly things that are happening in my life right now that I wish simply weren't. There are things that I wish I could have just shut my ears and not heard. And there are people leaving, that I would rather stay.

Ultimately, I am dissatisfied. Life isn't really going how I'd like. I wish bad things wouldn't happen. I wish I could have innocent ears forever. And I wish people wouldn't go.

One of the reasons that I love Criminal Minds so much (besides making myself so scared that i am scared to sleep at night) is the quotes embedded in each episode. They are often very relevant and applicable to my life, especially for a show that seems to be so disconnected from my reality.

This particular quote was said by JJ, who was leaving the show at the time. It just rings really true for my life right now.

Don't happen. Don't know. Don't go.

"Here we stand. Our hearts are yours. Not our will, but Yours be done." I happen to be listening to "Wake Up" by All Sons & Daughters and that line was repeating over and over.

Criminal Minds gets me to think. But Criminal Minds does not offer me hope. God is right there through the unwanted things. He is there when we learn things we'd rather not. He's there when people leave.

Take heart, God is still there.

Psalm 62

Psalm 62

For the director of music. For Jeduthun. A psalm of David.

1 Truly my soul finds rest in God;
    my salvation comes from him.
2 Truly he is my rock and my salvation;
    he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.

I woke up with an anxious heart. My mind was running a million miles an hour. I couldn't focus. I needed to calm my soul. How? Biting my nails, fidgeting, fixing my hair for the seventh time. Still anxious. How? God smacked me with Psalm 62. True rest is found in Him. He is the source of our salvation, and He is unmoving. God is unchanging. He is constant. In the anxious anticipation of much change in my life, He holds faithful to me. When I find refuge in God, the world cannot overcome me. Jesus overcame the world for me. 

3 
How long will you assault me?
    Would all of you throw me down—
    this leaning wall, this tottering fence?
4 Surely they intend to topple me
    from my lofty place;
    they take delight in lies.
With their mouths they bless,
    but in their hearts they curse.

My soul cries out. The world seeks to pull me away from the God I love. The Father of lies lives to deceive me. The lies are sugarcoated, but they come back to haunt you. The lies will never benefit you. They will disguise themselves as the "answer" as the "only way" or as "help" but they won't ever satisfy you completely. The only thing that will truly fill you up in a way that is lasting is the love of our Savior. 

5 Yes, my soul, find rest in God;

    my hope comes from him.

6 Truly he is my rock and my salvation;

    he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.

7 My salvation and my honor depend on God;

    he is my mighty rock, my refuge.

8 Trust in him at all times, you people;

    pour out your hearts to him,

    for God is our refuge.

My anxious heart? My restless fidgeting? Who can calm? God! Yes, my soul, find rest in God. Let us build the foundation of our lives on His solid rock. He cannot be moved. My salvation is not up to me. My eternal destiny does not rest in my hands. It depends on God. That is worth resting! Trust Him. Trust Him. Trust Him. 

9 Surely the lowborn are but a breath,
    the highborn are but a lie.
If weighed on a balance, they are nothing;
    together they are only a breath.
10 Do not trust in extortion
    or put vain hope in stolen goods;
though your riches increase,
    do not set your heart on them.

Your status in this life doesn't matter! Whether you are popular or ugly or successful or homeless. Whether you get good grades or get rejected from college. Whether you are married or single. Whether you have many friends or only a few..... These things are only a breath. Life is not about these things. Well, life that matters anyway. Life, true life, is eternal life. And none of those things can affect your salvation, because we have an unchanging God. He is not phased by circumstance or emotion. He remains constant in our ever-changing lives. 

11 One thing God has spoken,
    two things I have heard:
“Power belongs to you, God,
12     and with you, Lord, is unfailing love”;
and, “You reward everyone
    according to what they have done.”

"Blessing and honor and glory and power, forever to our King!"
The Lord is full of unfailing love. He loves me. He loves me. He loves me.


If you have an anxious heart today, like I do, I hope you can rest in Psalm 62. God's word is true for you, too. 

culmination of many a challenge

I happened upon "Pieces" by Meredith Andrews. It happened to speak to me in more ways than one. Here it goes:

Feeling like you're alone, like you don't belong

And you won't be loved if you don't measure up

TWO of the biggest things I'm learning my sophomore year of college. I do feel alone (maybe it's because I am roommate-less. I am 3/3 for not keeping a roommate longer than a semester.) But I feel alone in my struggle. I feel alone in the fight. I feel like I don't belong at either college I've attended, I don't feel like I belong on my floor, in my parents' house, or on my soccer team. I feel like there is just no place for me in this big, big world. AND I have been learning that "love is not performance-based" and that I can be loved. no. matter. what. I grew up under the misconception that I had to work to be loved. I had to have acceptable hair, normal clothes, good grades, and a smile on my face. When I didn't have one of those, I didn't think I would continue to be loved. I'm learning. Learning takes time. 

And you wear your scars

Like they're who you are

That's unfortunately true... I wear scars from my ACL surgery, I wear self-inflicted scars, and I wear scars from falling off my bike. I walk around acting like those things define me. I am more than those things! Those are things that have happened to me and things I have experienced. Those are in no way who I am... they just made me who I am. (Cue the previous post) I am a loved Child of God. I am a new creation. I am not my choice or my circumstances. I am new. 

Give Him your wounds, your bruised and broken pieces

All your questions, all your secrets

You don't have to hide who you are

You belong to someone greater

Than all your past mistakes and failures

Rested who He is

He knows how to make your pieces fit

I have so many questions about this life. "What if" and "How about this" and "Why why why" Don't you? I have less secrets every day, because I'm on my journey to living an honest, open-book kinda life -- but there are still many layers uncovered. I don't have to hide who I am. I am FREE to be me. I am free to let the world know the real Terrin. You know why? Because I belong to God. I am his beloved child. My God is a conqueror of sin, death, and shame. He gives me a new identity. I just have to rest in loving embrace. He is holding me. I merely need to rest in that hope and live in my new identity. Live... loved!

And He won't run away if you show your heart

Wants you to believe it

You can taste that freedom

For many a year, I was terrified to open up about my struggle. I was scared to let people know of the dark things hidden in my heart. I didn't want people to see the scary side of my deepest thoughts. I wanted to hide. But God has called me to freedom, and oh, what freedom there is in the knowledge of unconditional love! God's grace has washed over me, and I let him was me clean. My innermost fear, my grossest sin, my ugliest cry, my oddest quirk.....I remain loved. What freedom there is in knowing and believing that life-giving truth. 

You are completely known

You are completely loved

This is where you belong

1 Corinthians 13:12 - just blogged about this, too. DO YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN? God just put like seven different lessons He was teaching me into one song. Craziness. God sees where I am now, and though I have no direction of my own, I am completely known. My mirror is fogged, and I can't see the staircase ahead of me, but God knows. One day, I will see Him face to face. I can rest in the assurance that He knows - fully. I am completely loved - through everything. And I belong right here, right now. (Another post - John 12:27-28a ) This time and moment was meant for me. I am supposed to be here. I am experiencing the beautiful struggle of what it means to be a light in this dark world. This is where I belong. This is not my home, as I walk this weary land, right here, right now, this is where I belong.

4.6.15

"One day I hope that it will be just one of those things that made me who I am."

These words.... came out of MY mouth. Astounding, right? I'm a little proud of myself for this one, too. But honestly, the words just kinda blurted out. I was having a life chat with someone whom I trust immensely. I let him in on a secret. He responded? with love. I was expecting awkward, nervous, overbearing, insensitive, I-know-what's-best-for-you kind of reaction. Instead, I got love.

I wear self-inflicted scars, and sometimes I let them win. I act like that's who I am, and that's the end of it. I see no worth or value because I see that as who I am. I have to fight the lies. If I don't fight the lies with truth, I am dragged off a slave to my own mind. I am worn down, beaten, bruised, and scarred by the toil of those inaccurate thoughts. So, my options are to submit or to fight. I choose to fight. I have a support system of cool, caring people. Some are close and some are far, but they would never let me get 33 phone calls in. They are going to push me to keep going, when the fight gets long and I get weary. When I feel like giving in, they will be there.

How do I fight? Fight the lies with truth.

What's the truth? 1 John 3:1, "See what kind of love that Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are." Jesus reaches out to me with my nail-scarred hand, and He covers my scarred wrist. He covers it and makes me new. He whispers, "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!" (2 Corinthians 5:17). I am loved and I am new. 

I am more than what I have done to myself. I am more than the mistakes I have made. I am more than the times I made the choice to turn to an earthly vice rather than my all-powerful Creator. I am more than the grossness I feel about myself. I am more than all of the issues that stemmed from this destructive choice. I am loved and I am new. I am striving to hold this perspective daily. The weight of shame crushes quickly, but I am on my way to saying with full veracity, "It's just one of those things that made me who I am."

I can do hard things.

Challenge brings a choice.
I can lie down and believe the lies. I can give into insecurity. I can submit to sadness.
OR
I can look around and see the support I have. I can trust in God, and I can trust in myself.

I have faced challenge. It's hardly 8am and I've faced challenge today.

Yesterday, I was ready to give up the fight. Thank goodness I have someone (or two or four) that I could run to and they wouldn't let me down that easy. I am drained and I was looking for the easy way out. They reminded me of the strength I have. I am not proud of the actions I have made that stem from insecurity. I am learning big lessons here. Hard, hard, hard lessons.

I feel like everything I knew, everything that is safe, is leaving. I am going to terribly miss the mentor I have now. He is leaving the area, he is not leaving me. His love won't leave. He just is. His hugs will be few and far between, but his counsel and love will not vanish. He leads me closer to Christ, but I don't need him close to me to do that.

College is demanding and hard for me right now. I am overwhelmed, sad, stressed, alone, tired, unwilling, unmotivated, conflicted, struggling, unorganized, and unTerrin. I don't know who I'm supposed to be and what I'm supposed to be doing. I'm at the end of my frayed rope.

I had to look myself in the mirror yesterday and actually tell myself that I am strong. The one thing I believe I have is strength. I've been through strain and struggle and seen the other side. I had no choice then. I have choice now. And I choose to now use the strength I now know that I have. I won't let "tired" win. I won't let depression win. I won't let insecurity win. I won't let homework win. I won't let doubt win. I won't let my enemies win. I won't let the lies win.

I will prevail. My favorite professor told me this. "I can do hard things." I feebly whispered it yesterday. Today, I'm almost chanting.

I can do hard things. I can do hard things. I can do hard things.

I am capable, you know why??? Reading 2 Corinthians 12:9 has never meant more. "But he [Jesus] said to me [Terrin], "My grace [the LOVE I have for you, that no, you don't deserve] is sufficient [rest. it's enough] for you [yes, even you], for my power [the victory of the resurrection!!!] is made perfect in weakness [You may be weak, but I never fail]." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses [Be open. Be vulnerable. Be transparent], so that Christ's power may rest on me [That points people to me and the saving power of the cross].

[I love you. Don't give up. The Enemy is whispering lies to you. He's leading you off as a slave to those lies. Don't let him win. Listen to me. I am the Truth. Don't give up. You can do hard things, because of what I've done for you. Yes, you are weak but look how strong I am. I did it for you.]


I can do hard things. I can do hard things. I can do hard things. 

"Art without emotion is like chocolate cake without sugar. It makes you gag." 

-Laurie Halse Anderson // Speak

HOME VIDEOS

I've been on a home video binge. My family mocks me. "Oh, you're just watching yourself again!" There are five full DVDs of JUST ME. I blame it on being the cutest child ;) But truly, it is so fun for me to go back and see how happy of a little child I was. And so smart. And so funny! And so pretty. 

Sometimes, I think "What happened?!?!" And some things (like how I like things just so, how I am bossy, how my little sister copied my every move, and how I was so uncomfortable in front of the camera....) carry through to adulthood! It's fun to look back and notice the changes and notices the things of same. I'm still OCD, and I'm still pretty high maintenance, because I like things my way. My sister still wants to be me (a trait manifested in the form of stealing my clothes) and I still hate how I look and sound on camera! I was pointing out to my mother, that I could remember how I was feeling on stage during those plays or how pretty I felt in my dance costume. I remember detail well. As the saying goes, it's a blessing and a curse. 

Looking back, I am left with two options. Live in the past of who I was or look forward. I choose to propel in the direction of growth. Now, this requires change -- good thing Jesus is constant. It makes me think. Whew! God saw that beautiful 3 year old Terrin, toothless 6 year old Terrin, dancing 8 year old Terrin, insecure 12 year old Terrin, unsure 15 year old Terrin, sad 18 year old Terrin, AND He sees His transitioning 20 year old Terrin. He knew who that little 3 year old turned out to be. He knew the bad habits that would follow me here - He loved me. He knew the beautiful things that would come out of my ashes - He loved me. How lovely it is, 

"For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known."

1 Corinthians 13:12 

On I go, living and unfolding the "me" that God sees, the "me" that God fully knows and fully loves. Though my eyes may be shadowed with the circumstances of today, I shall once day have a fuller perspective -- all along putting faith in the hope that God FULLY knows. Though I feel as if I have lost vision of the true Terrin, God fully knows. And He is beginning to show me that He makes beautiful things out of the gross, ugly, dirty, and broken. He is showing me that Terrin is not lost. She is being refined into who she is supposed to be. The confusion and hurt and unknown is part of getting there. That "social butterfly" Terrin is still there, and she is coming back. She will be happy and carefree and "always smiling" and "laughing at everything" again. God hasn't forgotten. My vision is foggy. He fully knows. 

Change is the only constant in life.

College is undoubtedly a time of transition (after transition after transition), as 20-somethings venture to find out how they fit in the world. As it typically goes, a high school senior will graduate, have the greatest summer of their lives, and move away to college. (PSA: If this doesn't describe you, that's cool. Keep reading.) Free and independent as one may feel, this is unchangeably a huge period of loss for young hearts.

For me, I lost everything that was comfortable to me. I lost the ability to drive (poor college kids ain't got no money for an automobile!). I lost friendships. I lost my clear vision of the future. I lost mentoring relationships.

and I felt this loss deeply.

I longed to have the "best year of my life" as the story goes, but my freshman year of college was subpar at best.

Halfway through my sophomore year (I have since then transferred and enjoy the college experience exponentially more), I am still finding that loss is something that I can't control. It happens, and it happens a lot in this season of my life.

and I feel this loss deeply.

I forgot where I happened upon this "truth" that my heart identified with so closely, but it stuck.

"Change is the only constant in life."

For awhile, I've lived according to this disheartening lie. People come, people go. I have made friends this year that will soon be traveling back to their home country. I have made friends who are seniors and won't be returning to campus. I have deepened relationships with mentors who are moving away. My grandmother's life is threatened with cancer, and in time, I will lose her too.

In all of this (of which I have NO control), I am looking for something to hold on to.

I have a prayer journal. Scribbles, doodles, unconscious desires of my heart, stream of consciousness writing, and sermon "notes" are beginning to fill the pages. This journal was given to me by someone dear to my heart, and I want to fill the pages with beautiful things. Psalms and prayers, truth and encouragement.

....TRUTH. But, I've scribbled this "truth" on those blank pages. In handwriting so aesthetically pleasing, the lie hides. But isn't how it always is? Sin deceives us. Genesis 3 records The Fall. Adam and Eve sinned, because the serpent tempted them with something that was pleasing. We give up our hope of eternal satisfaction for instant gratification.

"And one by one the enemy has whispered lies and led them off as slaves..." 

Oh, how I have believed the lies, always tracing it back to a disbelief in one of God's promises for me. I believe I'm not good enough - but God calls me worthy despite my sin (1 John 4:10). I believe that I am the result of the gross, ugly things that I have done - but God calls me a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17). I believe that because I am weak, I am nothing - but God chose me to shame the strong (1 Corinthians 1:27).

These are the kinds of things with which I want to mull over, journal, and saturate myself. I have since then ripped out the page that held this captivating power over me. Instead of submitting to the sorrow of believing that the loving relationships that bring me joy in this life will always leave, I will take the eternal perspective. 1 John 2:17 says, "And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever." Because this world is not my home, my Savior encourages me to place my faith in the unseen. 2 Corinthians 4:18 says, "So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."

"When my world is shaking, heaven stands
When my heart is breaking 
I never leave your hands"

Even when the waves of this world threaten me with their daunting height, I can be assured that God is constant. When I feel like I can't bear any more pain that this world causes me, God is holding me. He is the one constant in the ever-changing atmosphere of this life.

Don't you ever ever EVER look in my journal, if you would happen upon it. But if by some lucky chance you did, I pray that these are the verses you would see instead:

Hebrews 13:8 - Jesus Christ the same yesterday, and to day, and for ever.

Malachi 3:6 - For I [am] the LORD, I change not; therefore ye sons of Jacob are not consumed.

Revelation 1:8 - I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the ending, saith the Lord, which is, and which was, and which is to come, the Almighty.

James 1:17 - Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning.

I'm letting this TRUTH consume my life. I have no reason to fear, because God is always, always there for me.

Two Worlds Collide

Hello, friends.

Short, long, prose, or poetry. I love to write. Hence, I have this blog.

I have a secret. I have another blog - for my poetry. Sometimes, emotions are better shared through a short, carefully-selected group of words rather than a stream of consciousness / analyze every aspect of things big blog post.

Both are rewarding for me. Sometimes I need to flesh something out, as I process. Often, my poems then come out of that. As I come to terms with my feelings, I often contain them in a poem. Reading back through the poetry I have written, I can trace happenings throughout the years. I haven't posted all, but I am working on improving as both a poet and an author. I just can't pick one!

Take your pick or read them both.

http://hellopoetry.com/terrin-boozikee/

All my love,

"The role of a writer is not to say what we all can say, 

but what we are unable to say."

-Anais Nin