JOY!

"Joy is not a natural response to life but it is a miraculous response! Joy is a “fruit of the Spirit” and not of your personality. Joy is not a knee-jerk reaction to circumstances but is a miraculous moment in a dark world when His presence is revealed to you."

This quote was in a devotion I was reading earlier this week. This perspective on joy really rocked my world. I had a happy childhood, and good times came naturally to me up until the past 5 years ago, but still I believed deep down in my heart that I shouldn't be encountering troubling situations. And when I admit the ugliness of my heart, I even believed I deserved to have good times and nothing but good times. 

I remember in this one Christmas card waaay back my mom had described me as "a happy, social butterfly." For some reason, that description stuck in my head. In high school, there was a shift in my personality, however, and I began to not live up to that depiction of me anymore. I felt this something was wrong with me. 

Well, it didn't take long for my world to be completely turned upside down. I fell into a downward spiral consumed with negative feelings, tearing my ACL, losing my identity, my dad's job loss, rumors upon rumors, ending up at a college that was not my ideal choice, and my dreams slipping through my finger tips. I could write a novel.  Through it all, I went from being deeply saddened to numb and then to angry. WHY WASN'T MY LIFE PERFECT? 

Newflash! We live in a fallen world filled with broken people, and left alone, we would have no hope. But we aren't left alone. Jesus came to seek and save the lost (Luke 19:10).

So now with this new outlook on JOY, I can be thankful for all of the little things that make my day go right. I can be happy, and when I am happy, I can know that it is a blessing from God to feel anything at all. Being happy isn't "natural" and I shouldn't expect happiness from this world. But when I do experience it, I can search for God's hand, and find it there. With this knowledge, I fight to no longer look to myself or this world for happiness. My God, is it a fight. This world is dark, but Jesus is light. Amidst my circumstances, Jesus gives me the gift of joy. He gives me Himself. AND it get better - He offers everlasting joy, if only we choose to accept it. Yes, Lord. I choose You!